Attempted Explanation

by skylarhaubert

Nostalgia crashed over me like a wave tonight. I know I get made fun of for my “obsession” with Bon Iver but, honestly, there is power in music.

I’ve been laying in the dark for the past two hours listening to Bon – my original thought was that it would help me fall asleep. I haven’t listened to much music since I’ve been here (which is odd) so this is really the first time I’ve just laid back and listened and let my thoughts carry me away.

I’ve never been able to explain my love for this music before – until now (and even this doesn’t do it any justice whatsoever). It came upon me that music carries an immense amount of sentimentality because it comes along with loads of memories, senses, and emotions. I was blasted with sensory overload tonight as I laid in bed and listened to ‘Minnesota, WI’ for about the 800th time.

I realized that each song is like a keepsake that I’ll always have close to my heart. I listened to these albums on repeat for years! Every note carries with it a name, or a face, a smell, or a place, a feeling, or an image of the past.

The first time I heard anything by Justin Vernon was driving down Highway 40 when Graham showed me “Dusty Road (So Kind)” by DeYarmond Edison. Believe it or not, I hated it! Then I heard “Blood Bank” and that caught my attention. That song will always remind me of those sweet years of falling in love for the first time, driving through blizzards with my best friend, and Christmases spent laying underneath the tree staring up at the lights. “Skinny Love” is the song I cried myself to sleep to almost every night for three months after my first heartbreak. And I say these things with so much tenderness because I know that all this is in the past – but yet, it was so much a part of my growth into who I am now. “Skinny Love” also has good memories – like driving around Duluth with some of my best friends, belting it out at the top of our lungs. I will never forget when Aaron learned “Re:Stacks” for me on guitar and played it to me in my backyard on a hot summer evening.  We both love that one and still drive around Elk Mound’s backroads listening to it without saying a word. When I listen to “Flume” I picture driving from Duluth back home on a crisp fall night. So much of this goes without saying because how can I possibly put all these memories into words? “Wisconsin” reminds me of the hard times I went through my freshman year of college when I was finally away from home for the first time; taking long walks alone on the frozen shore of Lake Superior just to get out of my head for awhile. Ahhh, and “Wolves” – the best live performance I have ever experienced. The Zorn Arena was packed to the brim, the energy in the room tickled the tiny hairs on my spine, and each person was echoing “what might’ve been lost…” If you were there, you know what I mean. If I shut my eyes when I hear “For Emma” I can picture good friends around me lounging on couches with a steaming mug of Racy’s blend in hand. “Lisbon, OH” is swinging with Jenna in our secret park late at night. “Hazleton” is climbing through Kyle’s window and “Wash” makes me think of sitting on his roof into the early hours of the morning. “Holocene” is making the trek up to Silvermine to catch the sunset over Eau Claire. “Beth/Rest” is now – falling in love again; new hope for what my future holds.

I won’t go on and on, but I just want you all to know that I miss you. I can’t sleep because I miss you so much. I’m excited for an awesome summer of bonfires in Marty’s field, hookah in Al’s garage, Phoenix Park SLS concerts, cliff jumping. long talks at the top of the world, watching the stars from rooftops, late night cruises, frolfing at Mt. Simon, chillin at Little Niagra, loitering at the top of the hospital parking ramp, Duluth beach days, camping out in “NO CAMPING” zones, rollerblading hills that are too big for rollerblading (ehem..Aaron!), Chalkfest, Silvermine sunsets and sunrises, Racy’s, Racy’s, and more Racy’s, drives down our secret road, attempting to learn guitar (yet again), and just spending time with you guys.

 

 

“This my excavation, today is Qumran;

Everything that happens is from now on.”

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